The dizzy concentrics.

I’ve hit ‘suspended animation’. I feel like a virus – buoyant, light headed and inanimate. Plain existence looking for a piece of life to dig my greedy teeth of purpose into its flesh. Like the little leaf caught in a whirlpool I find myself turning with insane recurrence.
I have given up on being understood and even more on understanding. I realize I am too weird to live but I know I am much too rare to die. I am perhaps one of those freak specimens who give ‘typical’, ‘regular’ a definition. They are because I am.
I often find myself walking through a blur of urbanity like a lysogen, integrated into the system but not quite a part of it. I stand still frozen in time while years rush past me. I feel like the injured runner still stunned by the suddenness of his elimination.

There are straight ‘success’ stories redundant and then there are stories of the ‘initial struggle’ metamorphosing into unprecedented glory. My story doesn’t fit in any of the above genres. I am more of the struggle and no success sorts ;) So I have reconciled to live in a virtual reality…in a tomorrow’s dream…in an escapists paradise.

I speak with the least expection of being understood. Language has lost its essence. I get compelled by reality to talk to people who definitely don’t share my planet. Politics and deceit, I don’t understand neither do I wish to. The nail on my little finger on my left foot cares to be politically correct and therefore all my s**** ups. I am a victim of a system that says the said thing, does the done thing. Somewhere I feel grateful to my Primary School teacher for having blatantly told me to "SHUT UP"...while the rest of life..only gave me hints to do so…

Life stretches before me like a scary sea of tomorrow and I need to live through it with eyes wide shut, ears audibly dumb and lips screaming sealed. For someone like me it’s a daunting challenge.
I feel this surge of vitality in the deepest core of me pleading for a vent. It’s a formless nameless annoying creature that sticks its head out at my most defeated, vulnerable moments. The inertia of stagnation tries hard to douse it .But somewhere I still hear it telling me that I am meant to be more that just alive. As of now I intend to listen more intently...